Now I may only be a fortnight old but that doesn’t mean I’m oblivious to what’s going on in the world – and there’s something that I want to get off my very small chest. Astrology, what’s that all about? It’s a load of old tosh, that’s what. I hate to be a killjoy and a cynic-before-my-years but the idea that the movements and positions of celestial bodies can provide information about personality, human affairs and stuff that happens down here on Earth is at least laughable and at most bordering on lunacy.
Ooh, I’m so lonely, will I ever find the One, someone who’ll love me for who I am, who’ll worship the very ground I walk upon, who’ll walk with me through life and never let me go? I know, I’ll pick up a newspaper and find out.
My job’s at a standstill; my boss doesn’t appreciate just how hard I work, I’m always getting looked over for promotion, all the best tasks are given to people with far less experience and talent than myself. Should I get my head down and persevere or should I seek alternative employment?
Here’s a good idea, I’ll pay £1.50 per minute from a BT landline (calls from mobiles and other networks may vary) and get my career back on track.
Madness, absolute madness.
By way of example, here’s mine for today, courtesy of a well-known celestial tabloid:
CAPRICORN Dec 22 – Jan 20
Make the most of this week, these opportunities may not come round again as quickly as you think. Close ones will not think well of you for upsetting the apple cart.
Hello, what opportunities am I going to be afforded in the next few days?
Am I really going to miss out on my perfect job because my CV’s not up to scratch? No.
Is it imperative that I rush down to Debenhams before the end of the January sales to save 00s on a soft Alicanti three seater sofa? I seriously doubt it.
And as for upsetting the apple cart; I eat, sleep, cry and sh*t, that’s it. I don’t go round preaching to loved ones about what’s missing from their lives or that I think they’re drinking too much or that their credit card bill is out of control. That’s not my style, life’s too short.
So what I want to know is who buys into this rubbish, who gives people like Russell Grant and Sasha Fenton airtime – because it certainly isn’t me?
