Directed by Jonathan Glazer – who made Sexy Beast. Which explains a lot.
Like Marily Manson before them, Blackout Crew donk-ify the not-at-all trippy or about-drugs-in-any-way sugar-rush classic Charlie and the Chocolate Factory…
We mean that in a nice way, obviously.
We’ve managed to find a podcast that contains a man with pig flu talking – from a safe distance, mark you – about Terminator 3. Why? Because they’re talking about Nerd Hurdles – y’know – stuff that nerds have trouble getting over – like Buffy being brought back to life, or all the snogging in Torchwood. Except – get this – they can’t call it nerd hurdles, coz there’s already a podcast called that so they’re calling it ‘herd nurdles’.
It’s funnier than that sounds, Brownies’ honour.
There’s also a letter to a porn star read out in the guise of a folderoldy folk song. And poo jokes. Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, we bring you The Box Room…
More Foxy Box Room Nonesense here
by ‘bard of Salford’: John Cooper Clarke
Photo with kind permission from rock, nightlife and 'Getting Away With It' photography legend Derek Ridgers
an x-film extra’s extra
i exit when i’m ex’d
i get it in the neck
i get my check
but i don’t get what comes next
I got my break in the ‘frisco quake
clarke gable got the lead
they said ‘make like a piece of steak…
lay on that plate and bleed’
swine herds and hunch backs
led to bigger things
i was ponchas pilot’s punch bag
you remember king of king’s
understudy studies scripts
and stunt men dice with doom
you found me in a gothic crypt
or in some squalid room
where clint eastwood kicks my teeth in
several times a day
i’m the best dead body in the business
i don’t have much to say
except… aaahhh, ooohhh, ahh, ohh, uhh, ahh, uhhh
and ohh, ahh, nhhh, ahh ohh and thank you lord
what can you say on the end of a sword
you just run out of breath
i carried seven ceasars
around seven cities of gold
i was the one who didn’t whip Jesus
in the greatest story ever told
fake snakes, mock crocks
and killers cut my throat
that’s me in the pine box
i know all about boats
i was on the titanic
i did what was required
and i was the first to panic
on the day the earth caught fire
hacksaw blades and hand grenades
dum dum bullets and darts
when pagans raid the stockade
i get mangled by their carts
i fall from trains and torture dames
just to keep in trim
I get slain on memory lane
and the people say ‘oh it’s him’
it was in this third rate thriller
i actually got to talk
saying ‘look… the killer gorillas,
they’re eating up New York’
i ride this phony pony
in a place a bit like the world
in the eyes of adults only
i never get the girl
tarantulas invade my bed
ohh it’s wonderful
i’m a talking head… full of lead
blublblublblublblublblub
i scream all the way to the chair
i scream in the face of tanks
i take the stairway to the stairs
and i scream all the way to the banks
photogenic passion
impales me on its knife
hero’s made from fashion
but dying’s a job for life
Starring the director of The DaVinci Code and Angels and Demons.
We’re guessing HG Wells probably didn’t include a bikini beach party in the original……
Trailer, including all-important man-clinging-to-killer-boobs shot, here:
Blundered right into this whilst looking in the small ads for a No-Win-No-Fee libel lawyer.
More good stuff here: http://www.private-eye.co.uk
Want to send some us some Blog items? Do so at adultswimuk@turner.com
Big Screen, Little Screen, Sticky Cardboard Cup
It’s July and we’re getting a hankering for cold dark rooms, sticky floors, tooth-melting sugary snacks and carbonated corn-syrup-based drinks.
Movie theatres are just super aren’t they? Especially if you’re supposed to working/studying/doing something productive.
Here at the swim’s London HQ we thought we’d trawl through all our shows – the good, the bad and the ugly and dish up the best movie clips, episodes and all things film related – because that way it looks like we’re working.
Ever wondered what happened to E.T. when he returned home?
Wanted to see what Whoopsie (sic) Goldberg’s like when the cameras stop rolling?
Can’t get enough of everybody’s favourite boy wizard (he-who-does-not-need-to-be-named)
Think that there’s something about Cameron Diaz?
Want to see George Lucas fleeing his adoring fans on the back of a Tauntan or what happens when chief Squidbillie Early Cuyler mistakes a legless fat man for Patrick Swayze?
Do you?
Then get your eyeballs peeled coz it’s free and all you have to do is go to adultswm.co.uk all throughout July to enjoy it!
Adult Swim, in the 7th month of 2009 at the Movies – or all through July in case you’re struggling…
